I Told You Not To
by Zakurowhip12
Summary: She didn't want what she thought he couldn't give, what she thought he didn't have for her. His love for her was pure and true, and he was going to make her know it, even if she didn't believe it. [RoxasxNamin'e]


Roxas Namin'e, it's a little sad if you think about it, but it's not TOTALLY badness. Poor Roxas :'[ Thanks for reading, enjoy!

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Chapter One: But They Still…

I instinctively turned, the opposite direction, and ran. I ran, as fast as I could. Like there was no tomorrow. Like the world was going to end. Like my lungs wouldn't disintegrate when they caught fire, maybe not from the strain, but from the burning turmoil in my heart. Like I didn't love him.

I felt blood pour into my head, hot blood, oozing and making my face boil and sweat trickle down the sides of my cheeks. Still, I pressed on, just to get away from him. Just to escape those words, that I didn't want to here. But still, he said them anyways. I didn't want to believe and I didn't want history to repeat itself again. I wanted to believe, I wanted to….but I couldn't believe. Not now, not ever again.

So there I was, running to a destination I didn't know, to a home I didn't have, but to anywhere away from him would work. I would except that. But why? This wasn't what I wanted even if I didn't want to believe it, but maybe I could make pretend for awhile.

But….even though I told them not to, my feet started to move. Even though I told them not to, my eyes started to water. And even though I told him not to, he loved me. And even though I told myself not to, I loved him back.

Where was he now? He was still probably, just standing there, waiting for me, as if I was going to come back and leap into his arms. But, I told them not to, and they ran away. So, there was nothing I could do now and I couldn't change it. And I wanted to somehow bend time and space, rewind everything, so I could leap into his arms and tell him that I loved him. And how did I know this? How did I know this, if I didn't believe it? I couldn't possibly listen to anyone else. But why? Why did I love him? That's simple, that's because…

That's because my heart told me so.

And even though I hated them, they always told me to listen to my heart, and that was honorable.

So, I couldn't let my common sense, or intellect block my heart, my screaming heart, desperately trying to reach me. But even though I was listening closely to every single detail it said to me. But this time, my…logic got in the way and closed away my heart, keeping its love and words hidden from me. And so, I assumed, he was still there and I wondered what he was doing. I didn't know though.

So, I continued to run, and run, and run, until I heard my sound of my footsteps change. I opened my once closed eyes and looked around. It was dismal and the clouds had moved, in front of the sun and covered the entire sky. Gloomy…

I looked around to a longer extent, and realized. This was the park, where he first asked me, on our first date. I replayed the motions and saw ghosts of the past, walk around and haunt the time before. The memory over in my head, because I remember, that that was one of the happiest days of my life and I remember, that I couldn't remember the things that brought me pain anymore, but that didn't mean I could forget.

I paced, step by step over the concrete over to the bench I was sitting at when it happened. I sat at the far right end and he waltzed over and sat down…at the left end of the wooden bench, as far away from me as possible. I sat down, where I had previously done before. And comforted myself in the cold hard wood. It was perfectly engraved in my mind.

I was reading a book, I know exactly, it was a mystery novel. I like those kind of things, those kind of books. So, he did too, naturally. I saw him out of the corner of my eye and it instantly shot back to the words printed on the page. I know I blushed. He was cute. Even through the split second I witnessed his…cuteness, I knew it was true.

I tried to pretend he wasn't there, but it wasn't working. I kept on stealing glances at him, and eventually, he turned to me. I forced myself not to look at him anymore, since, he was facing me now, and, if I looked…he would notice. But I couldn't hold on for long, my curiosity getting the better of me. He noticed and already was equipped with a large grin, spread across his face. I blushed, dark enough to where he could see I guess because he laughed softly and leaned back.

It was a beautiful sunny day that day, perfect for what was going to happen. There were few, white fluffy clouds in the sky, drifting past the ocean-blue air. The trees were a brilliant green to match the grass and that bench had just been painted a bright red.

He turned his view upward at the radiant sky with a soft smile on his face, his hands behind his head. I, becoming curious once again, started to wonder what he was even doing there in the first place, next to me no less.

"Um…what are you doing here?" I inquired, setting my book down in my lap and turning his way. He simply looked back at me, another grin, ear-to-ear this time. I still wanted to know and I still didn't understand. I tilted my head a bit in confusion and speculation.

"Hey…" He started, scooting closer to me, half-way down the bench. I straightened up a bit and blinked a few times, blushing too, I remember because he laughed again. "Do you wanna go out?" He asked, still smiling. I think I sputtered some random nonsense because he chuckled…yet again. But it's not like you could blame me. Some random guy you've never seen before in your entire life comes, sits next to you and then asks you out. He didn't even know my name! I was astounded and I didn't actually think it was happening, those kind of things never happened to me.

"I um…I uh…" I was confused, and I tried to find the words, or the word to say 'no'.

I snapped out of my memories for a moment and traced my hand along the peeling wood of the bench. The wood was dark and tattered now, completely opposite from the loud red it was before. I moved my hand a little farther on the bench and the previous event shot into place once again in my mind.

"It'll be fun!" He leaned closer to me and put his hand over the edges of my fingers. I instantly flinched and withdrew, cradling my hand in the other. I think he might've took my furious blushing as a yes, for I didn't say anything.

"Great! I'll pick you up back here at two o'clock tomorrow." He jumped up, inserting his hands in his pockets.

"Um? Wait, no I-!" And just when I found those words and outstretched my hand, he left. He left me sitting there, wondering what had just happened and wondering what I was going to do. So, I decided to think about it later, and turned back to my book like it was erased from all time and history. I snapped out, once again, my hand still in place to where he had touched it.

I sat there looking at it, the lids half-shielding my eyes. I heard the thunder crash above me and felt the rain slip down over my head and all around me. My light blue tank top and white denim skirt were getting soaked. I kept my hand pressed there, the splinters digging down into my skin. Everything came back to me.

My family that left me behind.

My friends who didn't care.

My love who didn't know.

My life that wasn't going anywhere.

My family left me, they went on a trip to heaven forever. I hated them for that. My friends who couldn't guess what pain I was in. I closed them off for that. My love…who didn't know I loved him back because…I wouldn't tell him. I despised myself for that.

Thinking all this, I pushed my hand down harder and harder into the wood. The small bits of wood, still pressing further and further in my flesh. My tears started to blend in with the rain spilling down my cheeks. I clenched my eyes shut and screamed. I choked through it while I was sobbing, thinking about everything as I did. I repeatedly slammed my hand onto the bench, over and over, but that pain wouldn't match to the emotional one I was in. I had ruined everything. Everything in my life was falling apart because I caused it to…Because I allowed it to. I tried to recall what had just happened today.

I started to think and replay how I would've done it differently than running away from him. All the different possibilities. All the things I could've said, all the things he could've said. But none of that was going to happen now, but I thought on anyways.

Now what was he doing? It was raining so maybe he headed inside or somewhere where the rain couldn't get to him. He probably thought I hated him now, but it was really the total opposite. Ruining things once again. That was obviously something I was good at…talented at. But I wasn't proud of it and I wish that nothing would have happened. I wished things could be like they were before. Like things weren't complicated.

-

I couldn't believe I was there. But…that would've been rude to…not go…so….I had to. Not because I wanted to, but….I sat there, my legs pushed together and my hands gripping my knees tightly. Was he even going to come? Or was it just a prank or something like that. But, being myself and having nothing better to do, I waited there. I looked at my watch, exactly two o'clock. Maybe he had a different time on his clock…or…something like that. I tried to force myself to think that. To accept that.

She was there, waiting, exactly where I told her to. And, I usually tell her where we go on most of our dates. She never wants to pick, so I have to do it for her. But I know what she wants to do, so that makes it okay. But this time, I know she won't want to do this, and the saddest part is, she thinks she did. I came out from behind a tree, acting casual like I had just gotten there coincidentally right after she did. Truth is, I'd been there an hour before the actual meeting time. I was too anxious, too nervous, but I didn't want to let on.

So I walked over to her. I waved, and she noticed, smiled and laughed as I got closer. I gave her a brief peck on the lips and grinned widely. Still, I didn't want to let on. But I had to let her know. I had to. I couldn't keep it in any longer.

"So, where are we going? "She asked, her arms hidden behind her back as she swung her hips back and forth a little bit. She obviously meant, somewhere like, out to eat, or an amusement park, or window shopping or something we did for normal dates.

"Nowhere. We're going to stay right here." I said truthfully. The last thing I was going to do was lie to her.

"Oh, okay then! What are we going to do?" she smiled softly and tilted her head a bit to the side, like she had done the day we first met. I remembered back to then, but soon escaped from my memories. Memories I wish I could still be present in, and not be burdened with a secret.

"Namin'e…." I inhaled deeply, afraid of what I was going to eventually have to say. She perched her chin up a bit. "…I need to tell you something." I was hesitant and I lost my smile, she kept hers, but she was the only one could find it for me.

"Sure! Anything!" She smiled again, oh so sweetly. I wondered what she was still doing on earth, the angel visiting from heaven and why she was with me of all people. I was privileged to know her, and privileged to be going out with her at the least. I looked down and to the side at the ground. I didn't want to tell her. It could ruin everything for us, but, I couldn't keep it in any longer, and I didn't know if she felt the same.

What was I supposed to do? I didn't know what her reaction would have been, but I knew for sure it wasn't going to be what I wanted. She…ever since then, she hasn't been the same she says. She can't except love she says. But not even from me. But I loved her. I loved her with all my heart. I only wanted to be with her and only her. I wanted to stay together with her…forever…even if she didn't. And I will stay with her, or at least my love will forever, even if she doesn't.

As I went on thinking, my eyebrows furrowed in depression and confusion. I knew this wasn't right or how things were supposed to be. I wasn't supposed to tell her. I don't even really feel like I can tell her. I've never been the kind of person to show my feelings. What if she laughs…? But then, at least, I'll have made her happy.

So I decided, quite some time ago, I was going to ask her out, right to this very spot and tell her all my heart's emotions. Something I've never done to anyone else in the world, but that's just how much she meant to me, and to me, she was worth it. Namin'e started to notice the trouble going on through my head.

"Roxas?" she asked my name, sounding worried. I turned towards her, still looking sad because now her expression matched mine. "What's wrong?" she touched her hand to my cheek. I closed it in mine, still remaining on the side of my blushing face.

"Namin'e. I've been meaning to tell you…" I stopped myself, afraid of the outcome. But she nodded as if to keep me talking. "For a while now…I've…figured out myself. I've figured out how I've felt about everything….and about you." She gasped a bit, the same sort of terror as I about what was going to be said. "I know you won't accept it but…" she put her free hand to conceal her mouth, her eyes starting to water and she leaned back a bit. "I love you."

Namin'e stood there like a stone. She was in shock and before, that was definitely not what she was expecting for one of our average every-day dates. She had taken it in now, it was registering and I took the chance while it was before she rejected me.

"I love you Namin'e! I love you more than you'll ever know! I want to stay with you! Forever…! Because…that's…how I really feel." I stepped forward, and she stepped back. But I continued and wrapped my arms around her. My head looming over her shoulder and hers atop of mine. "Namin'e!" I cried, for I knew she wouldn't feel the same. And how could she? She only stood there, like a statue, no feeling or emotion passing through whatsoever. My tears started to seep into the fabric of her clothes. I wanted…

I want to hold her, and protect her from the world, just maybe long enough, so that, if by some miracle, it would start to rain. Then maybe, I'd gather up enough courage to kiss her, and everything would be perfect. Maybe…


End file.
